blog diary

تَقَبَّلَ اللّٰهُ مِنَّا وَمِنْكُمْ

✨🌙

Semoga Allah menerima amal ibadah kita semua,

memaafkan segala khilaf, dan melimpahkan keberkahan.

🤍 Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri 🤍

Mohon maaf lahir dan batin 🙏

It’s been way too long since my last column. This time, it isn’t even really a column—just me rambling about everything that’s been happening in my life.

Being an adult is exhausting. There are so many responsibilities, leading to so many things to think about.

As an adult, I barely have the space to think about my life anymore—let alone my dreams. I’ve finally reached a point where I just live day by day, paycheck to paycheck, with countless bills to pay.

Unsweetened coffee and vaping have become my best friends on the hardest days. God has blessed me with a husband whose ears I can borrow to listen to all my thoughts. But sometimes, an adult mind tends to exaggerate everything. With a company to run, bills to pay, sisters still under my responsibility, parents who rely on me, and society with its expectations—it can all feel overwhelming.

The last one might not be as important, since I’ve always been eager to break societal expectations and live life on my own terms. Still, I am someone who, every day and every year, tries to become a better person. And all of that only leads to more challenges in life.

It’s been five years since my dad passed away. For five years, I’ve been continuing his legacy by running his company with my family. It’s been five years of paying off the debt he left behind—and things have gotten so much better. The debt has decreased significantly.

But on the hardest days, I still find myself questioning: am I managing this company well enough? Or did my dad run it better than I ever could? I may never know the answer. But one thing is certain—we were in very different positions. He was the founder; I am the heir. He built the business from scratch, while I had to run it starting from a deficit—lacking experience, cash flow, and almost everything you could imagine.

I’ve been through the hardest days—right after he passed away, when everything was suddenly left for me to handle. I promised him I would do my best to fix everything. That was me, five years ago, at 26 years old, without a husband. And even today, I still can’t believe what I’ve managed to do over these past five years. It feels unimaginable for someone as childish as I was to carry such responsibility. Without God’s help, I’m sure I wouldn’t be where I am today.

But just like someone who has just graduated from high school and is suddenly faced with real life, after surviving that first year of struggle, new challenges began to appear. New obstacles that I must conquer. New tests that I must pass.

The biggest one is learning how to be thankful even in the hardest situations—how to stay grateful. Imagine trying to feel grateful while carrying such a heavy burden. Imagine being grateful when you still have debts to pay, sisters to care for, parents who rely on you.  

Perhaps the greatest—and maybe the only—thing I can always be grateful for is that I’m no longer standing alone. Having a partner is something truly worth being thankful for. 

So this is me, rambling about life, hoping that this blog—this diary—can serve as a reminder of what I’ve been through and what will eventually pass.

The point of this writing is simple: there will always be hard times in life, but they will pass.

This is just me trying to clear my mind by writing it all out.