Gone

When my father and four other of my family member died during covid-19, I feel the emptiness and an overwhelming feeling that I am sure nobody could understand that except they're ever experienced it. 

Let me explain those feeling that surrounds me for these past few months. 

First, of course the grief and sadness that come everytime I miss them. Second, the loneliness and afraid that everyone will eventually leave me behind. Third, feeling unwanted and overwhelming by society until sometimes I just want to be alone or leave everything behind. Fourth, couldn't able to move on until all I wanted is just go back. And I end up looking in people in my past time, forget that there are a lot of new people coming to love me and accept all the pieces cracked of my soul. 

Sometimes in very broken soul, everything seems confused. All we searching is just an answer for every question or a drug to heal the pain. But actually there are an answer and a drug for every pain, confusion, fear, and emptiness that surrounds the broken soul. It is time who can actually kill all those overwhelmed felt. 

I do need my friends, family, or even my loves one, but all I need is a new start at the right time. And I believe at the right moment there will be a peace for me.