MIKIR Edisi Suicide / After Watch "13 Reason Why"

It's movie time!....

Aren't you excited?

But this time, the after watch session goes really deep. Because it's a second part of Mikir Edisi Feminism #stopWomenHarassment 

Suicide. 

that's was really serious word. 

if you have watched 13 Reason Why, you'll know that society sometimes not good for some people. 

Like I've said at post You Are Not Alone, I am doing a campaign trying to help people with a problem, Any problem,  to make sure that you're not alone. 

so here's the things. I am not usually good to people. I am not usually treated nice by the people. And I am know I am still judging people. which is highly underline, that judging people is not something that I can do, especially when I did the campaign for helping other's peoples problem. 

I'm working on it. Believe me, I trying to not judging and to be a better person. That's why I think very hard to write this post. If I don't want to start judging, then everything have to start from me. But not all about me.

Back to suicide. 

I've been planning myself for suicide. A years ago, but it is really long time ago. 

To understand the feeling of Hannah in that movie, I take a little peak of my gloomy past days. 

Which I already completely forget about it. So I will skip the reason of why I am thinking of suicide and just tell you the climax, the point of my new life. 

like all of the people I was trying to reach someone for help. eventually like all the people experience, it was not working. The fact is everything got bad that time. My parents suddenly know about my planning of suicide because this person is an adult and she was eventually tell my parents about my condition. The react of my parents is not as I were expecting. I have to told that my family is a very religious family. And when they were know, their daughter was planning for suicide, they get disappointed and little pissed off, because they were thinking I was lost and not have faith on God anymore. You know, suicide is not about religion. It can be happen even to the most religious person. At that time I weren't event think that God is on my side. But I'm life now so, I think God still give me a chance for life. 

I'm still doing bad things to people even after I got a second chance to get a new life. I know my heart is made of stone. But I'll let you know what people with experience of planning suicide thinking about life and people. The fact is I always compared every people with mine, makes me become a bad person. But I think the person who think about suicide will having that kind of think, a comparison of everyone life to her/him life. I know we're messed up. I am messed up. so messed up until I always compared my best friends story with mine. And it happened almost every time she had a problem. I lucky I have both of you, and I am sorry for not always being nice to both of you. 

I also messed up with my friends. I leave them behind all the time. But they're always having me back. And I'm lucky for having you guys back in my life. And I'm sorry for being selfish most all of the time. 

And that is it. I think in this post, I just mention to all of you the big reason of why people taking a suicide? Yes, because all people messed up, or at least they're all having a problem. It makes us always compared one life to another. It makes us couldn't understand what other people feel. what makes them depressed, we couldn't understand that. And a social worker or a Psychologist sometimes think theoretically. That is why talking to somebody are not helping. But at least I know, I know that the campaign might not working. But I'm still want to doing it. Because if it goes bad on me, I hope it is not goes bad to anyone else, because they're having me. Even I don't know if I can help them, but I wish my presence will helping. 

Hope you guys get inspired. And hope you all always in good condition. Health in Physically and Mentally.